Beards, beards everywhere. No matter where you look these days, it seems like every man that is capable of growing facial hair is set on developing and maintaining a hipster beard. There is a good reason for this.
The hipster beard walks a fine line between overflowing unmanageability and perfectly executed and calculated facial hair. The trick to all of this is finding that perfect balance of beard size, shape, and accents. When in doubt, you can always add in the patented curl-spun mustache just to be sure you’re on the right track.
What Is A Hipster Beard?
The hipster beard arrived well over 10 years ago at this point, and it shows no signs whatsoever of stopping. Hipsters like what is hip (go figure) and the hipster beard looks like it won’t be becoming unhip anytime soon. Everything in the world of hipster culture has a shelf life, but the hipster beard is still very much hip and, in many ways, has become a trademark and symbol of the male hipster.
The whole purpose of facial hair is to accent the already existing structural accents of your face. Is your jawline a little weak in your opinion?
A full and carefully flowing hipster beard can give you the appearance of a mandible cut from marble. With winter quickly approaching, the beard can also double as a face warmer thanks to its massive stature. Just like your favorite flannel and Brixton hat will keep your body warm (there will be several hipster references in this article, so be prepared) the perfect hipster beard will protect your face from the elements.
The hipster beard is a serious commitment to anyone that chooses to sport one. This is absolutely not a set it and forget it type of facial hair style. Maintenance is a must for all of those who choose to go with the ever-popular beard style.
The beginning will be easy as you basically just allow your facial hair to grow for a decent period of time to allow it to gain some serious mass and a life of its own. After the growing period, comes the maintenance period that will exist for the duration of your super trendy face blanket.
This constant upkeep is certainly not for everyone as just a day or two of neglect can quickly morph the perfectly groomed hipster beard into a chaotic mess that resembles a little Cousin It on your face. Are there any Addams Family fans in the audience?
There is no need to worry though, with the following guidelines in place, you will be able to create and maintain the perfect hipster beard that will double as a flavor saver for your artisanal cold brew complete with vegan foam.
Steps Of Growing Your Very Own Hipster Beard
You can think of this section as your own personal hipster beard troubleshooting center. Just remember that once you have your beard all prom and proper, not to make a big deal about it, or it won’t be cool anymore and all of your work will be for nought.
Let It Grow, Let It Grow
The beginnings of your hipster beard journey will be incredibly easy, as you basically just do nothing. That’s right. You can put the razor away and just let your facial hair do its thing. This will work as a test to your facial hair to see if it grows in full and well bodied, or patchy and irregular.
Unfortunately, if you notice patchiness in the beginning and it doesn’t seem to grow in evenly, the hipster beard may not be for you. It’s ok though, because the hipster mustache is always a possibility. You may not have the added benefits of full jaw and chin coverage, but you’ll still be able to twirl your mustache maniacally like like a villain from a cartoon from the 50’s and who doesn’t want that?
The entire growing process will take a few months to achieve the desired length and body you’re looking for, so be patient. The hipster beard takes time to grow and evolve, so enjoy the ride instead of marking the day’s off of your calendar. Well, you can choose to keep a timeline of your personal beard growth if you’d like. This is a zone of no judgment.
A Little Dab Will Do Ya
As you watch your baby hipster beard grow into a full-on behemoth that would make even King Leonidas blush, it is incredibly important that you take care of your budding facial hair. Anyone who has ever grown a beard of any length is aware of that certain point when each and every hair starts to feel like an itchy dagger. It happens without any warning.
When facial hair gets to a particular length, it will start to lose its intimate connection with the follicle that is responsible for providing it with nutrients. While the part of the hair closest to the face and the follicle will stay hydrated and healthy, the length furthest away from the shaft of the hair will pretty much have to fend for itself while braving the elements.
To help your follicle friends out during this crucial growing phase, you can use a gentle shampoo and conditioner to help hydrate the hair and provide it with all it needs to allow it to remain health, moisturized, and soft. This would also be a great time to begin implementing a beard oil regimen.
A standard beard oil will allow you mayo make your beard much more pliable and will allow the physical characteristics of the facial hair to better resemble the hair on your head instead of a brittle Brillo pad.
Groom Or Doom
Ok, maybe doom is a little much, but if you don’t groom your beard, you’re going to start looking like Chewbacca pretty quickly—so make sure you take the time necessary to keep your beard in perfect working order.
After a few months, you will be left with an amazing amount of facial hair. You now have the raw granite slab that needs your artistic attention to chisel it into a masterpiece.
Remember that the whole purpose of a beard is to accentuate your face, so if it isn’t kept in check, it will quickly become more of a distraction than an aid.
To help get you used to the grooming process while it is still growing to fully glorious maturity, try shaving any sprouts that appear on your neck.
There may be nothing that offsets a nice hipster beard than some renegade hairs of your neck and throat area that can quickly start looking like a failed science experiment. The term neck beard is intended to be negative for a reason. Once your beard grows enough to cover your neck, this neck detail will become much less of a hassle.
After your beard is at the absolute perfect length for you, you can try using trimmers or beard scissors to trim away any loose hairs that could take away from your overall beard. The key here is to remove the outsiders. Uniformity and machine line precision are hallmarks of the hipster beard, so you do not want to go heavy handed with the trimmers.
Focus on just removing any and all strays to allow the beard to look like a streamlined extension of your face. This is also the point at which you can decide if you’d like to add in those coveted mustache twirls to go 100% hipster. These twirls are completely optional, as they will not look right in everyone, but regardless, it will still be a ton of fun to try out.
Beard oil or a pomade intended for facial hair use can be placed on the ends of the mustache portion of your beard, in small but decent amounts. Use just enough to saturate the hairs, but not too much as to give it its own oily sheen that could quickly take away from the overall appearance of the beard.
By using grooming liquids, you are training the facial hair to grow a certain way, and after some time, you will see that the mustache will start to twirl on its own, which is a huge accomplishment in the hipster community.
Key Takeaways From The Perfect Hipster Beard
There you have it. This was everything you need to know to grow your very own hipster beard. It will take some time to accomplish that trendy feat, but it will all be worth it in the end. Just know that the hipster beard is not for everyone. It should be used as a means of accentuating the natural curvature of your face.
To be considered a true hipster beard, it has got to be big, but not too massive that you tend to look more like Grizzly Adams than someone who just really likes brunch.
With these tips, you might allow your beard to make even the goats at your next goat yoga session jealous.